


RC #227 Mission #9: Of Monsters And Machines

by SkarmorySilver



Series: Protectors of the Plot Continuum: Response Center #227 [10]
Category: Five Nights at Freddy's, Godzilla - All Media Types, Protectors of the Plot Continuum
Genre: Co-Written, Collaboration, Crossover, Did not do the Research, Guest Author - Voyd, Ignorance of Canon, Out of Character, PPC Mission, Sporking - Freeform, Timeline What Timeline, badfic, character replacement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 06:27:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14635983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkarmorySilver/pseuds/SkarmorySilver
Summary: Are you ready for Freddy? Five very unfortunate Floater agents aren't, especially not with animatronic Godzillas roaming around.(Co-written with Voyd)





	RC #227 Mission #9: Of Monsters And Machines

**Author's Note:**

> \- **Copyright Disclaimer:** The PPC and all related property belong to Jay and Acacia. The _Pokémon_ franchise (Falchion’s home continuum) belongs to Nintendo, Satoshi Tajiri and Game Freak. _Jurassic Park_ (Ripper’s home continuum) belongs to Universal Pictures and Michael Crichton. _Monster Musume_ (Kala Jeng’s home continuum) is owned by Okayado.  
>  _Five Nights at Freddy’s_ belongs to Scott Cawthon. The _Godzilla_ franchise and all associated characters belong to Toho Studios. Agents Rashida Mafdetiti, Falchion, and Velociripper belong to SkarmorySilver. Agents Valon Vance and Kala Jeng belong to Voyd.  
>  The fic being sporked, [" Follow/FavFive Nights at Freddy's: Monster Island"](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10702943/1/Five-Nights-at-Freddy-s-Monster-Island), belongs to [MarioSonicGamer](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/4664490/MarioSonicGamer), who may kindly keep it.
> 
> \- **Betas:** Firemagic, Darkotas, and Edhelistar.
> 
> \- **Rating:** T/PG-13 - For mentions of murder in canon... as well as murder outside of canon.
> 
> \- **Original Posting Date:** May 9, 2015
> 
> \- **Note:** This mission was written prior to the release of _Five Nights at Freddy’s 4_. If any information contradicts the canon, this is the cause, and notes have been added to this re-upload explaining specific details.
> 
> \- [Original Document](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Jg6uZ4Y_QMUhgNodhiy4_aHpMNZq2zSbPfEYqjH1S2Y/edit)

**_[ZEEN! ZEEN! ZEEN! ZEEN!]_ **

RC 211’s new console received yet another beating from Kala Jeng. “ _ Sarrat irkalli _ , shut up!”

Valon strode over to the console and read the report over Kala’s shoulder. “Huh, that’s a new one. I don’t think the PPC has done missions for  _ Five Nights at Freddy’s _ yet. Glad I know Scott’s world!”

“Uh… Valon? it’s a crossover.”

“It is? ...oh.” The taller agent frowned. “I don’t know too much about Godzilla…”

Kala shrugged. “We can always send a ‘Help Wanted’ ad around HQ until we find someone who can help. Surely there’s at least one Floaters agent who knows Godzilla.”

“Hopefully.” Valon turned around and started to walk away. He was halfway toward the RC’s kitchen when he stopped and grinned.

“Oh, and Kala?”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t call me Shirley.”

 

* * *

 

A half-hour later, during which Valon had let Kala play  _ League of Legends _ on the rather sturdy console for the third time that day, the group heard a distinct tapping noise coming from the door, rather like a very large woodpecker. Valon promptly went over and opened the door.

The tall, metallic, long-legged bird that had come knocking wasn’t exactly a woodpecker, but it was enough to make Valon raise an eyebrow, a grin spreading across his face. “Oh, hey, a Skarmory! So, whatcha doin’ here without your trainer, huh?”

“Hi! Uh, actually, I don’t have one,” the Armor Bird Pokémon replied. “We got a message on our console requesting a little assistance with one of the continua for your latest mission, so, well… Yeah. You called?”

“We certainly did! Anyone else with you, Big Bird?”

“The name’s Falchion, actually,” the avian Steel-type replied. “And to answer your question, unfortunately, yes. I  _ would  _ have been able to handle myself just fine, but my partner insisted on coming with me. Apparently, she hates it when I embarrass myself in front of new people.”

There was a bestial growl nearby. Falchion glanced nervously over his shoulder before turning back to Valon with an exasperated expression. “And worse still, my  _ other _ partner didn’t want to be left out, either.”

“Oh, your RC has three agents? Nice! Should give us quite a bit of backup on this mission. Come on in! Hey, Kala! Shall we get ready to go?”

Kala turned away from her victory screen. “You actually found someone?”

“Well,  _ they _ found  _ us, _ to be precise.”

Valon stepped aside to let Falchion enter RC #211, and the residents of RC #227 filed into the room. After Falchion came a winged, white lioness with the head of a woman, and behind her was a man-sized, bird-like dinosaur, with scarlet feathers, a long tail, a toothy snout, and huge sickle-shaped killing claws on both feet.

Kala took one look at the  _ Deinonychus,  _ and her tail stinger immediately began quivering. “W-what is that  _ thing _ doing in our RC?!”

The dinosaur immediately hiss-snarled at her, clawed wings flared and feathers ruffled.

“Be nice, he’s new,” the Sphinx chided.

“You don’t seem to have a Suvian scent,” the raptor spoke in a disconcertingly calm voice, like a young man about to shank someone. “But if your pack intends to challenge us, we will not stand for it.”

“Guys,  _ guys!  _ Calm down, you two!” said Falchion, rushing between Kala and his male partner. “We’re not fighting today!”

“Since when did you judge that fast, Kala?” asked Valon. “You detest racism, speciesism, and just -isms in general. You didn’t have to get so upset. He’s just a dinosaur.”

“It’s not about his species. I’ve heard all the rumors. The guy escaped from the DMSE&R right under their noses! He’s a Gary Stu, I tell you! He should’ve been  _ dead _ for all I care!”

The  _ Deinonychus _ let out a screech of rage and tried to lunge at her, but the Sphinx pounced at him and pinned him to the floor.

“Didn’t I say to  _ be nice?! _ ” she growled. “I’m just as upset with Velociripper here as you are, but  _ I  _ know better than to attack him now that we’re on the same side!”

Kala continued glaring at the two of them, but didn’t argue.

“I’m Rashida Mafdetiti, by the way,” the Sphinx continued, releasing her grip on Ripper and helping him to his feet. “Aside from the idiocy just now, it is a pleasure to meet you both.”

“I’m Valon Vance, eccentric extraordinaire, and the cranky girtablilu is Kala Jeng,” said Valon. “So, any of you know  _ Godzilla _ ?”

“As far as I am aware,” said Ripper, “the only one of us who has any experience with those films is Falchion. Courtesy of the author that he and I both share.”

“I’m actually his current persona,” said Falchion. “My first mission actually involved a really long and ugly badfic of his creation, which is how I got to know both Ripper here and my author. I’ve studied up on the  _ Godzilla  _ franchise since I first looked up the known info about the poor kid.”

“He likes  _ Godzilla _ too?” asked Kala.

“Yeah,” the Skarmory replied. “He’s not too involved with the kaiju fandom these days, though, seeing as he had some really bad experiences with it during his annoying fanbrat stage. He’s more of a  _ Pokémon  _ fan, like I am.”

“The problems that led to our author enraging more than a few people in the  _ Godzilla  _ fandom are the same ones that led to my homefic becoming a catastrophic pile-up involving at least ten unrelated continua,” said Ripper. “He tried to take over everyone else’s work, with deadly results.”

Valon raised an eyebrow. “Yeesh, that sounds like a royal mess,” he said. “How did you feel when you found that out?”

“Mad enough to kill both his previous Stuvian persona and a ‘heroic’ character replacement,” Rashida replied, sitting on her haunches and idly grooming a forelimb. “I still owe a sense of gratitude to Falchion for it, because I was even angrier still. The dismemberment of the villainous replacement near the end of the fic actually landed me in Medical for heart failure.”

Falchion covered his face with his bladed wings and squawked, “Can you two stop embarrassing me and just  _ get on with the mission already?! _ ”

“Oh, right!” said Valon. “You mentioned heart failure, and I got distracted by thoughts of Katawa Shoujo.” He walked across the RC of Terror and started fiddling with the disguise generator. “You guys will all have to be humans, so I hope you can use hands, Bluejay. The only non-humans in  _ Five Nights at Freddy’s _ are the animatronics, and each one of those is a distinct character. Oh, and make sure the animatrons don’t see you, they hate adults.” After opening the portal, Valon grabbed his shovel and twirled it a bit. “They will know the joy of creation!”

Ripper looked curiously at Kala. “Is your packmate always this strange?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe. He told me half his life story while explaining the PPC to me.” She retrieved her hand crossbow and scuttled to the portal. “I really wish I didn’t have to lose eight limbs going through this thing…”

“I’m less concerned about limb loss than the fact that we may have to kill any possible Suvian autoerotica,” said Falchion.

“ _ Animatronics _ ,” Ripper corrected, still eyeing Kala warily as she prepared to step through the portal. “And as terrifying as a robotic  _ Deinonychus _ would be, Valon is correct – the three of us will probably have to disguise ourselves as people.”

The mini populace of RC 211 decided to peek out of hiding before Valon and Kala could leave, however. Kouroki the mini-Mokocchi was the first to acknowledge the newcomers. She nervously walked up to Rashida. “Motero? Mo motero mote mo?”

Rashida looked at the mini inquisitively, and then noticed the mini-Suu and mini-creeper as well. “You collect eccentric minis?”

“Yeah, we do,” said Kala, turning back to look at the group with an exasperated expression. “Well, Valon does, most of the time. What about you?”

“We’ve found quite a few ourselves. My first mission with this chrome-crested cuckoo here led to us discovering the first known instances of mini-Omnidroids, as well as quite a few mini- _ T. rex _ es, a Spellcheck Scrat, a mini-Sentinel, and a Frankenturret.”

“And our second mission, in which my adopted sister made a total ass of herself (please don’t ask), gave us the first known batch of mini-Boulders in the PPC,” added Falchion. “We’d be happy to lend you some of our surplus minis after this mission.”

“Motero? Motero motero!”

“Sounds like a plan!” said Valon. “Now, let’s get down to business!”

“I can’t agree more,” Ripper replied, clapping his wings in anticipation. With that, the group followed Kala through the portal and into the badfic…

 

* * *

 

> **Chapter 1**
> 
> **New Faces**
> 
> **The morning sun rose on an average day at Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria. While outside, the sun lit the areas around the building, on the inside it was dark, and almost threatening.**
> 
>  

Five people materialized in front of the store: a short Gypsy girl, a burly African woman, a wild-haired Asian young man, a red-haired Japanese teenager, and a tall and cadaverous American man.

Valon cracked his neck a few times, then turned to his companions. “Alright, gather ‘round, children, it’s storytime!  _ Five Nights at Freddy’s _ is centered around this pizzeria right behind me. Basically, it’s an off-brand Chuck E. Cheese’s. However, there’s something a lot more sinister at work here.”

“What, someone’s spiking the pizza sauce with vodka?” asked Falchion.

“Will you  _ stop talking? _ ” Rashida snarled. “He’s trying to  _ explain something important. _ ”

“Newspaper clippings from the first game,” Valon continued, as though he hadn’t been interrupted, “as well as minigames from the second, state that a serial child murderer has been hanging around every Freddy Fazbear’s restaurant, and each one’s been shut down in turn because of this man. Even if this killer is just a twisted psycho, there’s something he didn’t know.

“The animatronics? They’re alive. Might be haunted by the killer’s victims, might be malfunctioning AIs, but either way, they’re hostile to adults. So, here is my warning to you:  _ stay out of the animatronics’ sight _ . Unless you consider being forcefully stuffed inside an animatronic bear to be a pleasant way to spend a Thursday evening...

“Didja get all that? Because I’m not gonna repeat it.”

“I only really listened to the ‘stay out of the animatronics’ sight’ part,” said Falchion, ignoring Rashida’s angry glare. “I’ve heard of a lot of YouTube walkthroughs of the game, though.”

“So, what happens to people that are ‘stuffed’ into the animatronic bear?” asked Ripper.

Valon looked at him blankly and said, “They die. Lots of wires, and cross beams, and animatronic parts in the way. As the Phone Guy says in the first game, the only part of you that’d ever see the light of day would be your eyes and teeth popping out the front of the mask.”

“Fantastic,” Rashida huffed, shaking her head.

While Valon had been talking, a few cars and a Mysterious White Moving Van of Doom pulled up to the store. Two bits stepped out of the truck, and one of the cars defined itself as a Ford Focus as a well-dressed man left it.

 

> **Mr. Reese Geradson was the owner of Freddy Fazbear's, and was in charge of all of the stores funding and problems.**

 

Valon’s hands went up. “Okay, time out. There are only…” He counted quickly on his fingers. “...seven human characters in  _ Five Nights _ , and this ain’t one of them. Let me just see through time for a moment…” Valon’s eyes glazed over as he checked the Words. “...okay, granted, this guy’s actions are very fitting with what we know about Fazbear Entertainment. It’s implied that these guys don’t believe in employee safety, and are willing to cover up accidents and murders to maintain PR. So, the sixty-four-thousand-dollar question: Kill, recruit, or allow to assimilate? My vote is assimilate.”

“Sounds good to me too, I guess,” said Falchion.

“The first thing I expected you to say was recruit them,” said Rashida.

“That was Sarah’s thing, not mine. Sorry. I’m just going with what everyone else is saying.”

“Don’t you do that all the time?”

“Well… yeah. Sorta. Anyway, moving on…”

The agents followed the bits as they moved two Mysterious Boxes into the store, ending up in the showroom.

 

> **They placed them in front of the main band, Freddy Fazbear, Bonnie the rabbit, and Chica the Chicken. Of all of the animatronics, Freddy seemed to be eyeing them mysteriously, causing one of the men to cringe.**
> 
> **"Sheesh. I don't see how kids still come here." The man said, walking back out with his colleague.**

 

“If what Valon said is true, the serial killer he mentioned is bound to colonize the new hunting grounds before long,” said Ripper.

“Sorry, but I’m not one to judge here,” Falchion said to Valon before the latter could respond. “You know a  _ lot  _ more than I do about this game. We’ll have to wait until Godzilla and friends show up before I can start speaking.”

“Actually…” Valon turned to face his audience. “... I don’t think the Killer’s in this fic. We don’t have to rescue him, though; he only has a direct role in the third game, and this seems to be based on the first one.”

Kala looked strangely at her partner. “I keep forgetting that you actually become  _ coherent _ when talking about canon.”

Geradson continued to be a money-hoarding jerk to the bits bringing in the boxes. Once they’d left, two Fazbear Entertainment workers entered and Geradson ordered them to build the two new animatronics.

 

> **They then trotted to the large boxes and opened them, starting to put bits and pieces together. Like the two movers, they felt like they were being watched. Not by their harsh and cruel boss, but by something-or someone- else. They peered up slowly at the stage and gasped.**
> 
>  
> 
> **Freddy's eyes were fixated right onto their work station. His curious stare evolved into a cold, almost dead glare piercing their very minds and bodies. Was this intentional? They were not sure. As far as they had know, they only move on their own at night, which wasn't exactly reassuring.**

 

Struck by a whim, Valon pointed his C-CAD at each of the animatronics in turn.

_ [Bonnie.  Five Nights at Freddy’s canon. Male animatronic. 3% OOC. OH MAH GAD JUSTIN BIEBEEEEHHHHHRRR] _

_ [Chica.  Five Nights at Freddy’s canon. Female animatronic. 3% OOC. Pizza!] _

Then he turned it to Freddy.

_ [Freddy Fazbear.  Five Nights at Freddy’s canon. Male animatronic. 73% OOC oh god not ready for Freddy] _

“... okay, something’s not right, Freddy stares creepily, yes he does, but that is not enough reason to be so OOC. What’s the bidding that this is the character replacement? Me and Kala  _ only _ seem to get missions with character replacements, and I’d bet money on Freddy being my target in this fic. Oh, and just so you know, Saber, the new animatronics are Godzilla and Godzilla Junior. The fic just hasn’t seen fit to define them yet.”

“ _ Falchion _ ,” the disguised Skarmory corrected. “And an animatronic Godzilla? Thank Arceus – I was worried we’d get stepped on!”

“Your sister’s pack took on a  _ Godzilla _ badfic once,” said Ripper. “Lapis told me about it not long after I met her. Aren’t mini-kaiju the size of human hive-nests?”

“Houses? Apparently, yes,” said Falchion, shuddering a little. “Anyway, given the presence of Godzilla Junior, I’m guessing the animatronics will take on the form of Heisei Godzilla and any affiliates unless stated otherwise. Godzilla Junior first appeared in the 1993 film  _ Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla 2,  _ and grew into a new Godzilla after his father died at the end of the last film in the Heisei series,  _ Godzilla vs. Destoroyah. _ ”

 

> **Midnight…**
> 
> ***? Point of View***

 

With the sudden nightfall and scene shift, the five agents were sent tumbling all over each other.

Kala seemed the most irritated by this predicament. “Whoever’s hand is on my chest, you have exactly three seconds before I break it.”

Ripper let out an inhuman screeching noise and leaped away from her, tripping over his own feet and ending up flat on his back.

“Isn’t that usually my thing?” Falchion laughed.

“For the love of Ra, you two were written by the same author!” Rashida muttered, pressing her palm to her forehead. “Of  _ course _ that would happen to Ripper as well!”

“But I clearly lack any promiscuity outside of breeding behavior,” said Ripper, still glaring at Kala. “I don’t have any Lust Objects, and even if I did, Kala certainly wouldn’t be one of them.”

Kala scowled. “I’m not sure if that was an insult, but I’m going to treat it as one.”

Valon vaulted to his feet, looking somewhat like a marionette in the process. “Amazing, I didn’t get tangled up with either of the pretty women in the par– I said that out loud, didn’t I?”

Rashida and Kala both looked at him with annoyed expressions.

“That’s not important right now,” the Sphinx agent growled. “We need to focus on actually getting out of this fic in one piece.”

“Yeah, uh, what she said,” added Falchion.

 

> **I felt..cold..and...weird. Like..just being born. Not to mention..my arms feel limp.**
> 
> **I opened my eyes and looked around where I was. It was hard to see, being as which it was pitch black everywhere I looked. But, I could point out a few things!**
> 
> **There were..these weird things that kinda look like volcanoes..beside me. And all around we're plastic trees and...I'm guessing water..? It looked...fake..**
> 
> **I then turn to my side, and I hear something...almost mechanical sounding.**
> 
> **...Is that..me?**

 

The agents all turned around, very slowly, to see a new animatronic coming to life.

“Would it be good to say, ‘Oh, crap’?” asked Falchion.

“Understatement,” said Rashida. “Would that be the Godzilla animatronic?”

As the Words continued describing the experiences of the animatronic, a much bigger one appeared.

“Nope, that would be Godzilla Junior,” said Falchion, his eyes widening in terror. “I take back what I said earlier about us not having to worry about getting stepped on!”

“Actually, it looks like Animatronic!Godzilla isn’t that much bigger than the others,” said Valon. “After all, the Junior animatronic is described as being small.”

“Good point.”

Animatron!Junior, who was mysteriously a first-person narrator, described the Godzilla animatron.

 

> **I look to my right, and I yelp, falling down on my tail with a thud. There's this..huge guy..that looks like me..but..he's grey and black, had bigger thingies on his back and a longer tail.**
> 
> **Despite him being scary..I felt..attached some how..to him. I had to think about it..**
> 
> **My..Dad..?**
> 
>  

Valon crossed his hands again. “Once more, time out. The animatronics here are unique, made by Fazbear Entertainment. Haunted or robotic, they’re alive. Big Lizard and Godzooky here aren’t possessed or made by the company, they should be absolutely mundane things that only move when activated, and only in a certain way. And furthermore…”

Whatever Valon had been intending to say was interrupted as he (and the other agents) was floored by another POV shift, and the narrative changed back to third-person.

 

> ***Normal POV***
> 
> **The small dinosaur looked up at the titanic Titan that stood beside him, until the monster actually came to life, looking down at him with orange colored eyes.**
> 
> **"D-don't hurt me!" The small animatronic said in his kid-like voice, struggling back as fast as he can.**
> 
> **"Don't worry, Junior. I won't." The large titan replied in his strong, almost deep, voice. Something then ticked in "junior's" mind.**

 

Valon chose to ignore how uncomfortably close his hand was to Rashida. “Can anyone page the Department of Redundancy Department? Because describing a titan as ‘titanic’ definitely qualifies.”

Ripper looked curiously at Valon. “We have such a department?”

“If we don’t yet, we  _ should, _ ” said Rashida.

 

> **"Oh..then what's your name..?" "Junior" spoke softly, curious. The dinosaur closed his eyes and thought about it.**
> 
> **"Hmm...I want to say...Gojirra? Or something like that,I can't remember." The larger dinosaur said, causing "Junior"to nod.**
> 
>  

A few more thundering steps drew the agents’ attention. Valon looked rather concerned. “Uh… that’s probably Gojirra. You mentioned that Godzilla minis are the size of houses, right?”

Falchion nodded.

“Well, I don’t know how I’m fitting  _ that _ in the RC of Terror.”

“You can always use a Shrinking Machine,” said Ripper. “That’s why Lapis’ mini-Godzilla reaches only up to her knee.”

“Yeah, Sarah’s team brought the machine with them to use Minimize on a gigantic replacement of Sonic the Hedgehog,” said Falchion. “I read the report, and man, that fic was  _ weird. _ ”

Meanwhile, the animatronic kaiju explored their surroundings a bit, where they learned that apparently Godzilla and Junior were being featured as a new attraction in the pizzeria.

 

> **"Sure is dark in here..." Junior said, shivering in fear. Godzilla rubbed his small green head to comfort him. It made a loud screech sound with every rub.**

 

Valon’s hands flew to his ears. “ARGH NOISE HOLY MOTHER OF WALTER SULLIVAN MAKE IT  _ STOP! _ ”

Kala, Rashida and Falchion all leapt on Valon to shut him up, though there was little need. The animatrons couldn’t hear him over the screeching metal.

Junior decided to wander off on his own after a little bit of animatronic whining (which prompted more ear-gripping whimpering from Valon).

 

> **He climbed down, and his feet hit the plush carpeting, which made his footsteps almost unnoticeable. He looked around the sitting area, and noticed chairs toppled over, plastic cups all over the floor, and there was**
> 
> **Also a horrible smell. Junior shrugged it off, and continued his adventure.**
> 
>  

The world shifted, and the agents were thrown around again. Valon peeled himself from a shallow him-shaped crater in the wall. “Okay, ow, I guess, ow, that’s what happens, ow, when you put paraow, paragraph breaks wherow, where they don’t go. Did I mention ow?”

Ripper had slid down the entire length of a party table. He rubbed a particularly sore friction burn on his cheek as he righted himself. “You did. Several times, in fact.”

Rashida was the only one who had escaped any real harm, though she was still sore. “If there’s a Sue behind this  _ nikomak _ trainwreck, I am going to…”

“Turn ‘em to flesh confetti?” Falchion finished, nursing the spot where he’d hit the leg of a chair.

Rashida honored him with her signature Angry Glare of Imminent Destruction™.

“Anyway, from what we’ve seen so far,” the Skarmory continued, “the two Godzilla bots are the big problems I’m seeing here, though not so much because they’re OOC but rather that they’re just out of place in general. I don’t know about what’s wrong with the FNaF canons, but I’m guessing Freddy’s been possessed.”

Valon finally pulled free from the wall. “Ow, ow, my organs and bones. Anyway, technically they might have always been possessed. Murder victims, remember?”

“I meant by a Sue-wraith. From what you said, Freddy shouldn’t be active in the presence of adults unless he wants to murder the security guard. Or something.”

“He doesn’t move during the day, no.”

When Junior arrived in the main party room, the fic made note of something.

 

> **Two of his coworkers, as you could say, we're gone. The only one that was left was Freddy, the creepy bear in the black bowler hat and the bow tie. Junior tilt his head. "We'll that's not like how it was before.."**

 

Valon looked alarmed. “Ooohhhhhhh fishpaste, Chica and Bonnie are loose! Okay, remember when I said ‘don’t let the animatronics see you’? This is where we put that into practice. We have to hide the everloving hell out of ourselves so that we don’t get cheese-grated to death by Chuck E. Cheese knockoffs. Does that sound like a good plan of action to anyone else?”

Before they could respond, the fic continued.

 

> **In the quiet night, he then heard gruff, low pitched singing, not too far from Monster Island, where he had come**
> 
> **From. Curiously, he walked towards the melody.**
> 
>  

Another badly placed paragraph break sent the agents flying again. Valon skidded across a wall, Kala and Rashida bashed into each other, Ripper sailed down the hall, and Falchion collided with several chairs as he slid across the floor.

Valon was the first to speak after this. “ _ Stop. Persecuting. The agents. Mister Overpower. _ ”

 

> **"What do ye do with a scurvy pirate..what do ye do with a scurvy pirate..what do ye do with a scurvy pirate..make 'em walk the plank.."**

 

“Also, that’s not Foxy’s song. Foxy’s song is just ‘duh-da-dum-dum-dum-diddly-dum’ forever and ever. Charging now. Also,  _ ow, my, kidneys _ .”

“Do I want to know whether that’s really the case?” Falchion asked, regretting that he wasn’t armored on this mission.

“Maybe we could actually watch some gameplay footage sometime,” said Ripper. “Familiarize ourselves with the canon.”

“Knowing you, I’ll bet you’d get a kick outta this game,” Rashida growled, shoving Kala aside.

“I don’t understand how games can kick you, but I’ll take your word for it,” the  _ Deinonychus _ replied, rubbing the back of his head. “Not every form of human entertainment represents a game over with the player being stuffed into a lethal contraption. I wonder what security guards taste like?”

Nobody wanted to answer that, and for good reason.

Animatron!Junior met and made friends with Foxy… who, rather inexplicably, could speak.

Valon popped his elbows back into place before pointing his C-CAD at Foxy.

 

_ [Foxy.  Five Nights at Freddy’s canon. Male animatronic. 5% OOC. What  _ does _ the fox say?] _

 

“Huh, surprisingly low. Then again, the animatronics are canonically Friends to All Children™, so this isn’t too far off. I’m guessing most of the out-of-character-ness is from being able to talk.” He switched his C-CAD for his RA and punched in some coordinates. “Nothing else really chargeworthy in the first chapter, so let’s make like the Puppet and not hang around.”

“Oh, ha ha,” Rashida snarled.

“See? This is why I don’t like bringing her along,” said Falchion, prompting her to bap him upside the head.

The groaning and bruised agents filed through the portal. Valon was about to step through when he felt something… off. He turned around, but there weren’t any haunted animatronics. He shrugged, dismissed it as one of his mad fancies, and slipped through the portal.

A white face, streaked with blue, materialized from the darkness, watching them go.

 

* * *

 

The agents emerged in Chapter 2… which turned out to be utter hell for one of the agents, as it was infested with young children.

“Come  _ on _ , Valon, we don’t have time for this!”

“So many screaming children do not want make it go away stop the noise the noise the noise…”

Kala busied herself trying to pry her partner’s fingers from a support pillar. Meanwhile, Falchion, Rashida and Ripper watched Mister Geradson as he waited for the new guard to show up.

 

> **After a while, a man, who appeared to be fresh out of college, walked inside, wearing a Tuxedo, and a red tie. A woman coworker spotted him, and yelled into her Boss's room.**
> 
> **"Sir! The man for the interview is here!"**
> 
> **quickly sprung from**
> 
> **His desk and walked out of his office.**

 

While the other agents were less fortunate, Valon was spared from being flung around the establishment by his death grip on the pillar. “Charge… for missing words… for more misplaced paragraph breaks… and for wearing a tux to an interview, there is such a thing as being too formal.”

The player character from the games, Mike Schmidt, met Mr. Geradson and introduced himself. He was also hired instantly.

Valon relaxed his grip on the column just long enough for Kala to come back and quickly pull him off. “Ow, ow, let go! Anyway, I’d charge for instant acceptance buuuut Fazbear Entertainment really only hires the guards as live bait for the animatronics. No charge.”

Falchion stared at Valon in horror. “You mean they  _ know _ these things are dangerous and they hire people to watch them  _ anyway _ ?”

“I  _ did say _ that Fazbear Entertainment is  _ not _ a great company to work for.” He was about to say more, when a flash of white caught his eye. Huh, none of the animatronics were white…

He was distracted by another badly-placed paragraph break, and this time he didn’t have a pillar to hang on to. He did, however, have Kala as a cushion.

His face looking somewhat healthy for a moment, Valon almost flew away from Kala. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, don’t break my neck–”

“ _ Valon _ . I know it’s an accident when you’re the one touching me.”

 

> **"Howdy ho everyone!" A voice said, happily from the stage. This was the gruff voice Freddy Fazbear himself.**
> 
> **"Hi Freddy!"The kids replied in sync.**
> 
> **"We have a Special Treat for all of you critters out there! Don't we guys?" Freddy said happily, turning**
> 
> **To his friends on stage.**
> 
> **"Yup! You all get to meet our new friends!" The Rabbit, Bonnie, replied, in his British accent.**

 

Despite the setting and circumstances, Valon smiled. “Methinks the author of this fic is a Redwall fan. Normally, that’d constitute Pepper-Jack Cheese logic, but considering that we don’t know what the animatronics sound like during the day, Bonnie could very well sound like a Salamandastron hare. Also, what is poking my le–”

When he looked down, there was a small version of Bonnie tugging on his jeans.

Once again, Valon couldn’t help himself. He picked up the tiny Bonnie and whirled around happily with it. “Yay, minis! I’m guessing that this is Rabbit, Bonnie. Am I right?”

The mini-Bonnie nodded and screeched. Thankfully, it wasn’t as deafening or startling as the canonical jumpscare.

_ I am still here _

Valon looked around. None of the other agents seemed to have heard the voice. At first he thought he was going nuts, until he looked at Rabbit, Bonnie. The mini-Bonnie looked terrified.

“Uh… guys? I think I might have a problem.”

Ripper turned around, sniffing instinctively. “What would that be?”

“Well, I thought I was just hearing voices, but apparently this little guy heard something too, and he’s scared of it. You guys seriously didn’t hear anything?”

Rashida shook her head. “All I heard were overly excited children, and the Godzilla animatronics introducing themselves to said kids.”

“Aside from being an animatronic, Godzilla actually isn’t  _ too _ OOC,” said Falchion. “He’s normally a stoic and irritable protector of Earth at best, and a destroyer of… pretty much everything at worst. He wouldn’t really care that much about making friends with a bunch of kids.”

“Yes, but at the same time… Junior being a friend to all children?” asked Ripper. “He’s not Gamera.”

“There  _ have  _ been movies in which the offspring of Godzilla actively reach out to kids, though,” said Falchion. “But they’re mostly from the Showa era, starting from  _ Son of Godzilla _ in 1967.”

“We’ll have to skip ahead to the first night,” said Rashida. “And we may have to split up, too. Valon and I will keep an eye on Mike, and Kala, Falchion, and Ripper can check on the bots, to make sure they’re not too OOC.”

“You’re putting me with  _ him?! _ ” Kala protested. “No way! I’m  _ not _ going with the Stu if it kills me!”

Falchion gave his female partner an expression of absolute terror. “For Arceus’ sake, we’re  _ not _ kids! And you know what Valon said about the animatronics, right? I don’t wanna get stuffed in a suit!”

“They won’t be able to see us with the SEP fields on,” said Ripper. “And we’ll have to camouflage ourselves in the presence of badfic characters anyway. This isn’t that different.”

“Well, I’d rather get stuffed in a suit with a ton of pointy bits on the inside than put up with you, Ripper,” Kala grunted.

“Isn’t Mike the player character?” the disguised  _ Deinonychus _ asked, pretending he hadn’t heard her. “His behavior would likely be directly influenced by how the player behaves, so he wouldn’t be as likely to succumb to character illness as the animatronics would be.”

“One way to find out,” said Falchion. “Ready for Freddy?”

Valon gave his trademark gigantic grin. “No, but no one ever– Wait, stop, crazy idea time!” Valon reached into his vest and extracted something that looked like the map from  _ Treasure Planet _ . He pushed a few of the keys, spun it a few times and looked up. “There we go, problem solved and  _ oh my god _ you’re adorable.”

Where Falchion and Ripper had been standing, there were now two children that resembled them. While they examined their new looks, Valon pocketed the DORKS. “There! Now you don’t really have to worry about the animatronics hurting you, and Kala’s strong enough to get you out of any trouble you might find yourselves getting into.”

“I certainly hope so,” Falchion replied while he shook off Rabbit, Bonnie, who was trying to give the Asian ten-year-old in the black  _ Jurassic Park  _ T-shirt a big hug.

And so, the agents made their way into  **Night one, 10:00 PM** ,  during which they listened to a replay of the recording from the first FNaF game along with Mike. Predictably, he frantically checked the camera feeds on his laptop. All of the animatronics were there – but Junior was missing. Mike began to panic, but the agents remained silent.

Valon’s eyes glazed over. “I can see through time… alright, Junior’s just hanging out with Foxy, dunno what Mike’s freaking out over.”

“Does  _ he _ know that?”

“That’s a point.”

 

* * *

 

Meanwhile, Falchion, Ripper, and Kala watched Junior interact with Foxy, who was also joined by Bonnie a few lines later.

 

> **"You two. I sense an..Endoskeleton, among us." Bonnie continued. Junior tilted his head.**
> 
> **"What..?" He asked.**
> 
> **"Aye. That be non of me business." Foxy grunted.**
> 
> **"Foxy, you know Freddy wouldn't-"**
> 
> **"I be me own man now, Bonnie. Ye two may be under Fazbear's spell, but I'm not. Junior, Go home to ye papa." Foxy said.**

 

“Hello? Hello hello?” 

Valon’s voice was coming from Kala’s pocket; when she reached into it, there was a handheld radio. “Valon? When’d you put this in my pocket?”

“Not important. I went ahead and read the Words, so allow me to explain what’s going on. According to Phone Guy in the first game, the animatronics think you’re a metal endoskeleton without its costume. Of course, players can tell from simple observation that it’s a load of bull, so the fic actually believing that to be the case is charge-worthy.

“Also, I put my laptop and headphones in your bag. Why not give it to Ripper? He said he wanted to watch gameplay videos; let him have it, so you can at least have some canon knowledge on your end. I have to hang around here and keep an eye on Mike, so I won’t be able to help you the whole time. Alright, I’m out!” With that, the radio went dead.

Kala looked quite confused. “That’s an awful lot of foresight from someone who can’t even remember what month it is.”

Child!Ripper retrieved a rather beat-up MacBook and a pair of blue headphones from Kala’s bag. “You mentioned earlier that your packmate was strange. Perhaps this is simply more of the same.”

Foxy sent Junior back to Godzilla. After this, he made a big show of defying Freddy to Bonnie. Once Bonnie left, the scene ended.

 

* * *

 

Back in the office, Mike was starting to become paranoid.

 

> **Mike checked the cameras. Bonnie wasn't on camera, and Chica had moved.**
> 
> **"Crap.." He muttered.**
> 
> **He looked slowly to the left door, and reached for the light.**
> 
> **He slowly flicked it.**
> 
> **Bonnie was there, staring right into his eyes.**

 

He wasn’t the only one startled. Valon backpedaled right into Rashida. Once Mike closed the door, Valon realized he was touching something soft.

Valon’s bloodless face suddenly gained a normal skin tone. “... please tell me my hand isn’t where I think it is.”

The slap from Rashida was enough of an answer. “Why can’t you keep your  _ nikomak _ hands to yourself?”

Valon rubbed his cheek; Rashida’s hand had left a red mark.“I’m super-jumpy, and I try to! I think I’ve been hanging around Kala too long; she’s from an ecchi continuum, and things like that happen to her all the time. I think the Ironic Overpower is transferring some of that to me. Besides, I was startled! I don’t do well with jumpscares...”

“I guess that last part is understandable,” Rashida replied, shrugging. “We haven’t been on a mission to a horror-centric continuum until now, but I think Falchion would sympathize greatly.”

They were silent after that as they hid in the corner of the office with Rabbit, Bonnie. The mini-Bonnie, for his part, didn’t seem too affected by the arrival of his namesake.

 

* * *

 

Back with the other agents, Ripper was halfway through a Let’s Play of Five Nights at Freddy’s. He was starting to understand how the games turned you into prey, and induced the instinctive fear of an approaching predator.

_ It’s me _

He looked up from the laptop. “Did either of you say something?”

Kala turned away from the Monster Island curtain, where Animatron!Godzilla emerged to find himself facing Chica. “Nope. I’m just watching the robot duck approach the overgrown iguana.”

“She is a chicken, actually.” Ripper turned his head back toward the screen…

He snapped to look down the hallway.

He could have  _ sworn _ he’d seen something white down there…

 

> **Finally, the noise stopped, and Godzilla erupted from the curtains and roared loudly, sounding like his movie counterpart.**
> 
> **The Chicken's eyes widened slightly, as the wind from Godzilla's gaping jaws blowed on the Bibb on her chest.**
> 
> **Mike also heard the roar, and flinched at the noise.**

 

The ensuing scene was rather pointless, as it consisted solely of small talk between Chica and Godzilla.

Child!Falchion leaned against a wall. “This is honestly kinda boring. You’d think there’d be a lot more action going on.”

Ripper turned to his partner. “Players of this game are in a completely passive position. The only ‘action’ is when you are killed, and the animatronics scream in your face.”

The remainder of the night passed uneventfully. The agents met in the main party room, and after some fiddling with the DORKS, Ripper and Falchion were in their adult shapes once more.

Falchion was the first to speak. “So, what charges did you get from your end? It was pretty boring over here.”

Valon responded, still holding the mini-Bonnie. “Well, I got jumpscared and accidentally groped Rashida. I don’t know if ‘induction of accidental sexual assault’ is a charge, though.”

“To be fair, it  _ was _ accidental,” said Rashida, glancing at Valon in irritation. “We can just file it under ‘annoying the agents’ along with… well…”

“Everything else the fic’s done to us so far?” Falchion replied. “I mean, the fic’s been tossing us around like clothes in a dryer…”

“Will you  _ please  _ stop completing my sentences, you obnoxious tin turkey?!”

Kala looked at Rashida with a confused and slightly annoyed expression. “Tin turkey?”

“Well, if you think about it, that’s actually true,” the disguised Sphinx replied.

“Hey!” Falchion snapped. “I’m a cross between a condor, a crane, and a Swiss Army knife! I am  _ not _ a turkey!”

“Oh, shut up.”

 

* * *

 

Chapter 3 started with Mike giving his boss a complaint, regarding the murderbots walking around the store at night. Mr. Geradson then gave the details of the contract, in true “read the bleeding fine print” style.

 

> **"Oh, and before you quit...what also was on that document was am agreement notice that says that you must stay at least 5 days, er, nights in your case, before we can discharge you." Geradson said, grinning crookedly.**
> 
> **"WHAT? But why? Whats stopping me?" Mike yelled.**
> 
> **"Well, if you do not serve your time here at Freddy Fazbear's pizza, I can take you to court for disorderly conduct, AND Sue you. So..the choice is yours, my friend."**

 

Valon looked thoughtful. “You know, one of the things that’s never explained in the games is  _ why _ the guard returns every night, if it’s so dangerous. I have to give the author credit for at least trying to come up with a plausible explanation for that.”

Rashida scowled. “Do we still charge for poor employment practices?”

“Considering that it’s canon that Fazbear Entertainment is run by horrible horrible people, we really can’t. I hate to admit this, but the  _ Flowers _ are probably nicer people than the Fazbear management.”

 

Night 2 began rather uneventfully, and the agents split up again. This time, Ripper and Kala were keeping an eye on Mike while Valon, Rashida and Falchion watched the rest of the store.

The disguised girtablilu was looking rather uncomfortable with this setup. “Refresh my memory. How’d we get talked into this?”

“I am learning more about the canon as the mission proceeds, so I can corroborate Valon’s knowledge.”

“Let’s try this again; how did  _ I _ get talked into sitting in a room alone with  _ you _ ?”

“Your packmate wished to remain outside of the office. Evidently, he does not wish to be alone in a room with you or Rashida if there’s a chance that he’ll be startled.”

“What does that have to do with… oh. That.”

 

* * *

 

> **Junior was up, pacing back and forward on stage, while Godzilla was fast asleep, not bothering to get up. Nothing really happened that concerned him, other than his son getting into mischief.**
> 
> **Junior, getting bored, decided to see Foxy again. He looked up at his father, that was gently snoring in his slumber.**
> 
> **"He won't mind..right..?" Junior thought. He then quietly snuck offstage and onto the floor, looking around. Bonnie was in the main eating area, but was making his way to another hall.**

 

He didn’t notice that two children and a burly African woman were following him.

Child!Valon, who looked much healthier than his normal hasn’t-seen-the-sun-in-years complexion, leaned idly against a wall. “Blaaagh, I’m more bored than a board that’s been bored by a board of boring beetles that can’t afford their room and board whilst being borne on a bored boar bound for Borneo.” He paused for a moment. “And I’m also bored enough to come up with that.”

 

> **"I wonder where Mister Rabbit is going..?" Junior said, looking around. He then saw a flicker of blue light down a corridor**
> 
> **"Ooh! What's that?" Junior said, smiling brightly and walking towards it, in his dinosaur stance.**

 

Inside the office, Mike noticed Junior in the west hall. He panicked and slammed the door down.

Ripper, who still had Valon’s laptop, was occupied with watching more Five Nights Let’s Plays. Kala was watching over his shoulder, though she couldn’t tell what was going on without sound.

_ Hummmm. _

Both agents looked up; they had definitely heard something, even if Mike had not.

Kala raised her fists. “What is that? I don’t like hearing voices when there’s nobody around to have them!”

“I cannot say for certain. The restaurant does cause hallucinations after prolonged exposure, but I do not believe we have been here long enough to…”

When Ripper did not speak for a few moments, Kala looked over to him. “Huh? What’s wrong?”

With a quiet but menacing hiss, he glanced towads the right-hand door. Kala followed his gaze…

She saw a white mask for just a moment. When she blinked, there was only darkness.

“What… what was that?”

“Something that we do not wish to make an enemy of.”

 

* * *

 

The other agents followed Junior as he walked toward the security office. The animatronic kaiju found the standard “kids love these things for some reason” pictures plastered all over the walls of the establishment, including one of Foxy. 

 

> **"Wow..what happened Foxy..?" Junior thought to himself, inspecting the picture. He noticed something the back of the picture. A figure of some sorts. He didn't know what it was, but it was in shaded darkness behind a curtain, with yellow prick eyes. Again, due to the shadowing, he couldn't decide what this was.**

 

Valon raised his hands and waved his fingers around. “Oooohhh spooky scary foreshadowing! I wonder if it’s Golden Freddy.”

Rashida looked at him curiously.

“Right, I’m the canon expert. Golden Freddy is a freakin’ weird thing that shows up sometimes. He doesn’t roam the halls; he appears as a ghost-slash-hallucination-slash-haunt, and in Five Nights 1, getting killed by him force-quits the game.”

_ Hummm. _

“... and seriously, what is that no–”

There were a solid three seconds of horrified silence from Valon. Child!Falchion whimpered and tried to cling to his partner, who was less than amused.

“W-what was that?” asked Falchion.

“None of your  _ nikomak _ business,” said Rashida. “You’re not a child, let alone one who gets frightened as easily as you are.”

“I don’t care! I just wanna grab some pizza and get outta here!”

Valon, whose face had gone completely white, raised a trembling arm and pointed down the hall. “Pu-pp-p-pu-pupp-pu-pu-p-ppu–”

Rashida grabbed him by the shoulders. “Come on, out with it, what’s wrong!?”

“I… I saw the Puppet…”

Falchion didn’t know why Valon was so terrified, but considering his normal demeanor, it obviously couldn’t be anything good.

“W-what do you mean?!” he squeaked.

Valon backed into a wall and huddled up. “The Puppet is... I dunno, man, it was the most dangerous character in  _ Five Nights _ 2 ‘cause you couldn’t do anything to stop it.The only thing that can keep it dormant in  _ Five Nights _ 2 is to make sure that a music box stays wound, and  _ there is no music box here _ .”

Rashida looked confused. “I thought this fic was based on the first game?”

“The Puppet was always there, if you looked for the signs. It’s here, watching us, and it  _ hates _ .”

While Valon had been panicking, the fic passed them by. Junior had made it to the office, Mike was freaking out and calling him a monster, and the animatronic kaiju was scared and confused by all this.

And then a red blur shot past the agents.

 

> **"WAAAAAAAAAAAH! I WANT MY DADDY!" Junior said, crying loudly.**
> 
> **"SHUT UP!" Mike yelled. But that was the least of his worries.**
> 
> **Foxy appeared in his room, and roared loudly at Him. He screamed loudly at the sight of his teeth.**
> 
> **Foxy grabbed the small child animatronic and picked him up, running out of the room full speed.**

 

All of the agents were hit by the jumpscare.

Outside the office, Valon curled up into a tighter ball, muttering about “cries of the howling damned.” Falchion backpedaled frantically, tripping over his terrified teammate. Rashida yelped and drew a pistol, though she had enough presence of mind to not actually pull the trigger.

Inside the office, Ripper (who was currently wearing Valon’s headphones) was not terribly perturbed by the disturbance, as he could barely hear it. However, he  _ did _ notice when his vision was partly obscured by Kala; the startled agent had clung to him when Foxy screamed.

Valon, Falchion and Kala all screamed as well. Fortunately, all three were drowned out by the animatronic’s inhuman screech.

 

> **Mike, was wide eyed, and was hyperventilating. He peered at his power meter.**
> 
> **47%.**
> 
> **He looked at his clock.5:15.**
> 
> **"Screw it, I'm closin' the doors.." He said, catching his breath. He quickly flipped both of the door switches.**

 

“...Kala?” Ripper asked. “Would you mind releasing me  _ this instant _ ?”

The disguised girtablilu finally noticed that her chest was partly wrapped around Ripper’s head. Red-faced, she hastily let go of him and sidled away.

“... well. Least I know you were honest earlier.”

 

* * *

 

Rashida and Falchion had to drag Valon to the main eating area after Foxy ran off; the unfortunate agent was simply too scared to form any coherent thoughts. Had either of his companions known it would help, they would have given him Rabbit, Bonnie, but the mini-animatronic was left to simply follow the agents.

“Can we get some pizza now?” asked Falchion.

“Not until we’re done!” Rashida replied fiercely. “We’d better make it quick. Valon, where are we?”

There was no response, so she slapped him in the cheek again. “Valon! What chapter are we in? Do we move in now and press charges or do we have to wait?!”

Valon seemed to focus a bit. “Chapter… three of five… unfortunately, the biggest charges are toward the end.”

“Ohhhh boy,” Falchion whimpered.

“What do you  _ mean _ , towards the end?!” Rashida snarled. “We don’t have time for this! What if Falchion soils his clothing – or worse, what if you panic so much that you get a heart attack like I did back in my first mission with him? Or what if you get the animatronics to notice us and kill us all?!”

Valon calmed down a bit. “For the most part, things have been mostly-canonical. A lot of the charges we’ve collected thus far have been text-related. The big canon breaks happen in the next two chapters.”

“Uh-oh. FNaF or  _ Godzilla _ ?” asked Falchion.

“Five Nights. The lizards don’t really have much of a role, to be honest.”

“Do we get the mini-Godzilla to nuke ‘em and call it a day? Or can we leave them somewhere where they won’t disturb the canon?”

“There are other, non-haunted Freddy Fazbear stores. Presumably, they could go there, and this whole promotion thing could happen somewhere that isn’t haunted.”

“We’ll have to make sure they aren’t possessed by Sue-wraiths beforehand. Is that even possible or do Sue-wraiths possess canons only?”

“Sarah discussed the possibility of a Sue-wraith possessing a replacement just before we ran into Cupid for the first time,” said Rashida. “But I don’t think that’s really plausible. Look, we’ll just wait until we get rid of whatever’s possessing Freddy and then see what happens to the animatronics.”

Valon pulled the D.O.R.K.S. out of his vest and fiddled with it again. Once more, Falchion and Valon were in their adult shapes. “Anyway, back to the matter at hand… I don’t think Freddy’s possessed. I read ahead, and he’s not vengeful; he’s  _ evil _ . The only evil animatronic in the series is Springtrap, and that’s because he’s a zombie of the Killer. The others are either possessed by scared, confused and angry children or just on the fritz. I think Freddy might be replaced. Which at this point makes sense – Kala and I almost specialize in hunting replacements.”

“So we’ll have to find the  _ real _ Freddy after we’re done… Great,” Falchion grumbled.

Valon grinned. Not just a normal cheerful grin, but the “I have an absolutely insane idea and I’m not afraid to use it” kind of gigantic grin. “Don’t worry,” he said. “We’ll be outta here soon enough, and  _ not _ in a used robot suit.”

“Why do I have a feeling I’m not going to like where this is going?” asked Rashida.

“Because nobody will,” Falchion replied.

She bapped him on the head again.

 

* * *

 

Once Mike’s shift ended, the agents regrouped in the main party area. Valon’s manic smile hadn’t faded. 

Kala, at least, knew her partner. “Valon? You only grin like that either when you’re planning something or you’ve found Mysterious Wall Chicken. Since you’re not eating a drumstick, I’m going to guess plan.”

“Got it in one. See, there’s only one real canon break in the next chapter, but it’s a BIG one. It blithely ignores the canon events of Five Nights at Freddy’s 2. Five Nights 2 is a prequel, by the way. The fic just pretends it didn’t happen, and then has the stones to reference a song  _ about _ Five Nights 2 in the next chapter.”

Ripper cringed. “Charge for anachronism, then? Yes, anachronism.”

“Methinks it’s a bit worse than that;  _ the fic blatantly ignores canon events _ . See, in Five Nights 2, the old animatronics are in storage and used for parts. I’ll explain more once we get to the scene in question.”

“You’ve dealt with timeline snarls before, right?” Kala asked, giving Ripper a look that was a bit less contemptuous now.

“My homefic had the events of  _ The Lost World: Jurassic Park  _ and  _ Jurassic Park III  _ occur at the exact same time, even though in the actual timeline of my home continuum, they were really four years apart. Never mind that the fic also included completely unrelated universes occurring years or even decades before or after the respective years those two movies take place in.”

“We’ve dealt with timeline butchery too,” Valon responded. “Our second mission was in Kala’s home continuum, and it got the order in which characters appear completely bass-ackward. Also it set the timeline back between four and eight years. Also turned a baseball team into a bunch of doom cultists. That was  _ weird _ , man.”

“We aren’t familiar with wherever Kala comes from, so we’ll take your word for it,” said Rashida. “And anyway, at least you didn’t have to deal with over  _ eleven _ different continua in  _ one _ fic. Ugh, let’s just get this mission  _ done _ already.”

“And then we can order pizza?” asked Falchion.

“Y’know what, I’ll think about it.”

“Okay, then!”

 

> **Chapter 4**
> 
> **Flashbacks of the dark past**
> 
> **The next day came, and with it came new business, and new popularity for the new Kaiju Monsters.**

 

Valon immediately resumed his deathgrip on the nearest support column. “Too many children…”

“And to think I have my paws full enough with two under my roof,” Rashida grumbled.

“My author’s gonna turn twenty-two this June!” Falchion replied. “And I’m his persona, so…”

“And I’m around seventeen, even though my age wasn’t explicitly defined,” Ripper added. “Valon, are you all right? The herd seems to be troubling you more than it should.”

Valon was wide-eyed. “I just don’t like kids that much, alright? I have siblings more than ten years younger than me, and I don’t want any of my own!”

 

> **More and more people started to show up to Freddy Fazbear's pizza, but not for the reason you think.**
> 
> **It was for Godzilla and Junior, not**
> 
> **For the food, the music, not even for**
> 
> **The main band itself.**

 

It was bad enough when there was only one oddly-placed paragraph break. Having two, one immediately after the other, led to the agents being thrown clear across the room. It was lucky that nobody got any of their vitals damaged.

Even Valon’s vicelike grip on the column didn’t spare him, and the Ironic Overpower didn’t seem keen on giving him a cushion this time. “Ow. My. Organs. And. Bones.”

Falchion had landed face-first in a meat-lover’s pizza, and now found himself covered in sauce and toppings as he slid off the table and picked himself up. “Ugh, when I said I wanted pizza, I didn’t mean having it shoved in my face!” he squawked angrily.

“Brother! Is that  _ blood?! _ ” Ripper cried out in alarm.

“Pizza sauce,” the disguised Skarmory replied sourly. “Don’t worry, I’m fine! Really.”

Valon got up, nursing his lower back. “Argh, I have enough chiropractic problems  _ without _ your help, Mister Overpower.”

Kala had bowled over two tables in her launch. How nobody had noticed this was anyone’s guess. “Urge… to dismember robots… rising…”

Valon recognized the signs of his partner about to lose it. “Er, maybe we should skip ahead a bit. Also, who else thinks that it’s utterly ridiculous for Eren Yeager to appear in a Godzilla arcade game? The Five Nights setting predates AoT by about… I dunno, ten years?”

“I want to cough up a hairball, but I don’t want to waste time looking for a trash can,” Rashida growled.

Valon opened a portal. “Right, this will take us past the start of the night… Oh yeah, I forgot. Canonically, the nights start at midnight. It’s probably a charge to make Mike suffer two hours longer than he has to.”

 

* * *

 

The agents popped in after Mike’s obligatory scene, and Junior had decided to go see Foxy again.

 

> **Junior, slowly peered out of him and his father's stage, and slowly jumped down, slowly tiptoeing to Pirate Cove.**
> 
> **He was stopped by a fuzzy hand on his shoulder.**
> 
> **Junior shrieked loudly, flailing.**

 

Once the screams started, Valon clapped his hands to his ears again. “Noise, brain, make it stop…”

The hand (or paw) turned out to belong to Freddy, and the screaming obviously got Animatronic!Godzilla’s angry attention.

 

> **"It's fine little-" he said, until he was interrupted by 70 pounds of angry reptilian metal, known as Godzilla.**
> 
> **"Junior! Are you okay? Are you hurt?!" Godzilla said, knocking Freddy out of the way. The brown bear glared at him from behind his back.**
> 
>  

Kala couldn’t suppress a snicker. “Godzilla? In any shape? 70 pounds? Either Fazbear Entertainment has secret supplies of mithral somewhere, or someone is severely underestimating how much metal– or for that matter, anything human-sized– weighs. In my home continuum, only harpies weigh that little, and that’s with lighter bones for flight!”

Valon got out his C-CAD, pointed it at Freddy, and wasn’t terribly surprised when the device blew smoke into his face. “Yep, kof, replacement, bhack. The canonical Freddy would likely understand being protective of children.”

Not!Freddy acted courteous enough toward Godzilla, but for some reason disapproved of Junior going to see Foxy.

 

> **"I'm gonna go to Mister Foxy's now!" Junior said, happily.**
> 
> **"Be back soon, oka-" Godzilla said, before he was interrupted.**
> 
> **"Now, why on earth do you need to do that?" Freddy asked, causing Godzilla to give him an angry orange eyed glare.**
> 
> **"Because..he's my friend..?" Junior replied, awkwardly, before running off. Freddy sighed.**

 

When Not!Freddy invited himself to Godzilla’s stage to talk about Junior, the story (and the agents) followed Junior to Pirate Cove.

Valon turned to Falchion, while walking backwards. “So. Is there anything wrong with Big Lizard and Godzooky? This is pretty much their characterization for the entire fic.”

“Aside from the two of them being able to speak, it sounds like their personalities are based on the late Showa films,” said Falchion. “Junior could easily have been given Minilla’s character for all we know.”

“Let’s just get to the big canon breach already,” said Rashida. “And we can use a portal if there aren’t too many charges before then.”

“Sounds good!” Valon keyed some coordinates into his RA. Nobody, however, noticed that Not!Freddy was staring directly at the spot where the portal had appeared before it closed behind them.

When Junior reached Pirate Cove, Foxy decided to tell him his story of the Bite of ‘87. Once the flashback started, Valon whirled around to his fellow agents.

“Gathered friends, listen again to our legend of Freddy. So, the Bite of ‘87. Five Nights 2 actually takes place in that year, and it’s pretty obvious that it’s a leadup to that event. However, the biter couldn’t have possibly been Foxy. He was in storage, being used for parts, where customers couldn’t even reach him.

“However, there was a set of animatronics that could have done it: the Toy animatronics. They were built to be super cute and friendly-looking, and they had facial recognition software tied to a criminal database. This was the point when Fazbear Entertainment actually gave two halves of a damn about the serial killer on the loose, so the new animatronics were built to stop him. Hell, Phone Guy even jokes that ‘we should be paying them to guard you.’

“Unfortunately, something messed with their programming. They inherited the old animatronics’ hatred of adults, and especially the Fazbear Entertainment uniform, so one of them– a lot of people, me included, think it’s the Mangle, the  _ remake _ of Foxy– bit out someone’s frontal lobe. This led to the Five Nights 2[1] restaurant being closed down, and the Toy animatronics being completely scrapped. The old ones, however were kept for possible reuse.

“Thus, Foxy being the perpetrator of the Bite of ‘87 is a  _ massive _ canon break, and that is the big charge we’ll be collecting today. Any questions?”

“None at all,” said Falchion. “Can we move in? We  _ may _ have overstayed our welcome, and I need food, anyway!”

“You  _ always _ need food,” said Rashida, “but you’re right. Anything else we need to watch out for before we end this?”

Kala turned to her partner. “Come on, tell me that there are more reasons to rip this robot apart.”

Valon shook his head. “Aside from Freddy being an abusive asshole to Foxy and threatening to kill Junior, not really.”

“Good to know,” said Falchion. “Before we move in, though, I think we’ll need a little backup. Ripper, are you okay with becoming an animatronic?”

“But the animatronics are machines,” the disguised  _ Deinonychus  _ replied. “I don’t know if –”

“If we get caught red-handed, we’ll  _ need _ to convince the machines that we’re on their side,” Falchion interjected.

Valon’s insane “I have an idea” grin returned. “There’s one in particular. One that’s apparently been stalking us for this entire mission.”

Falchion took the D.O.R.K.S. from Valon, programmed it a little, and let it do its work. Everyone appeared as children, with one exception. Where a tall, Japanese teenager with slick red hair and hazel eyes had once been, there now stood a featherless, gangly-armed theropod with dull brownish-gray skin made of latex, along with a mess of wires trailing from the base of his tail.

Ripper gave Falchion a wide-mouthed expression that the latter could only guess was a silent scream of anguish.

“The hydraulic  _ Velociraptor _ puppet from the second  _ Jurassic Park _ movie,” the Skarmory said hastily, ignoring Rashida’s death glare. “It was the only thing I could think of that made sense with you. I mean, if Not!Freddy decides to attack us…”

“Remind me to murder you for this later,” Ripper replied, snapping his toothy jaws ferociously.

And then Valon opened his mouth and started singing.

“ _ All around the cobbler’s bench, the monkey chased the weasel, the monkey thought ‘twas all in fun… _ ”

He paused for a moment.

And then another.

And after yet another moment, a music box could be heard following the same tune.

Valon grinned and continued the song. “ _ A penny for a spool of thread, a penny for a needle, that’s the way the money goes... _ ”

A tall humanoid suddenly appeared in the hall. It was predominantly black in color, with a few white stripes. Its most striking feature was its face; shock white, with empty black eyes and an expression locked in an angry snarl. Under each eye socket was a blue streak resembling a stream of tears.

Valon and the Puppet finished the song at the same time.

“ _ POP goes the weasel! _ ”

The Puppet stared at the agents. 

Kala gulped. “Uh… well… we’re…”

“We are friends of Freddy’s,” said Ripper, shifting into the crouching stance that preceded his deadly lunge. “An evil beast has taken his place. Do you know where he is?”

The Puppet stared vaguely.

Valon stepped up. “The lizards aren’t supposed to be here either, but the fake Freddy is—”

He didn’t get to finish that sentence. Something let out a horrific screeching noise just three feet behind them, and everyone let out a simultaneous scream of terror and scattered in all directions – with two exceptions.

The Puppet backed up a short distance, anticipating the charge, and next moment, Not!Freddy had leaped directly on top of Ripper. The raptor puppet toppled over at the force of the replacement’s first blow, and reacted instantly. The two animatronics immediately proceeded to claw and rip and bite and gouge at each other as they tumbled all over the place.

The other agents, in their hiding places, heard a long series of clunking footsteps. Slowly, the other animatronics came into view. Bonnie, Foxy, and Chica materialized from the darkness. More footsteps could be heard beyond the Puppet, as could a dull hum.

Valon wasted no time. He stepped out of his hiding place and tried to get as close as he could to the scuffling animatronics. “Not!Freddy,” he cried, “You are charged with the following crimes against the  _ Five Nights at Freddy’s _ canon. You are charged with replacing the canonical character of Freddy Fazbear, with impersonating him poorly, with giving the animatronics the ability to talk like normal human beings, with bringing in  _ Godzilla _ characters for no good reason, not doing anything with said  _ Godzilla _ characters, with blatantly ignoring the canon events of  _ Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 _ , with having the stones to reference The Living Tombstone’s song  _ about _ Five Nights 2, with giving Foxy false memories of causing the Bite of ‘87, with being willing to kill children, and with tormenting PPC agents with your bad writing. For all of these, and more things that I can’t remember, you are sentenced to die!”

With a sickle-clawed double-kick, Ripper threw Not!Freddy off of him and slammed him against a nearby wall. He was not in a good shape – one arm hung uselessly from his shoulder, and pieces of his latex skin had been torn off his neck and ribs, exposing his inner hydraulics and flywheels. However, it was clear that he had put up quite a fight. His massive curved talons and serrated teeth had torn several gashes, each at least two feet long, in Not!Freddy’s metallic skin.

“You are also convicted of  _ discovering our presence in this badfic _ , somehow,” Ripper snarled, backing up before Not!Freddy could charge at him again, “and in particular, attempting to  _ kill _ us in response to it! Puppet, do with him as you will. I want no further part in this mess!”

The animatronics– including the  _ real _ Freddy– looked rather confused about all this. Valon facepalmed. “Oh god, they’re all under Not!Freddy’s Stufluence, what–”

His hands flew to his ears once more, with all of the other agents imitating him, as the Puppet did what Fazbear animatronics did best:  _ scream _ . The sound was like absolutely nothing human; a high-pitched, screeching wail that contained equal parts rage, agony, and despair.

It did the trick; strange lights emerged from the three non-Freddy animatronics and flew into Not!Freddy. 

The Puppet raised its hand, and the animatronics moved in for the kill.

Each took hold of one of the replacement’s limbs and, ignoring his curses and attempts to break free, began to  _ pull _ .

The sound of screeching metal was bad enough. What followed didn’t help matters.

Golden threads appeared in the air behind Not!Freddy’s head. They grew, spiraled and interlaced, until a horrible and unmistakable visage appeared: A gigantic, ursine animatronic head, with shining gold fur, empty eye sockets and an incongruous top hat. And its jaws were right at the replacement’s neck.

Not!Freddy let out one last scream before Golden Freddy bit his head off.

Unsurprisingly, the animatronics immediately turned their attention to the agents once the deed had been done. While they couldn’t speak, they obviously wanted answers.

Valon immediately went for his neuralyzer. “Eyes shut!”

_ FLASH! _

“You are voiceless animatronics, the exact nature of which is up to Scott Cawthon. Foxy, you did not cause the Bite of ‘87; you and the rest of your friends were in storage. Freddy, you love children and would never do anything to harm them. None of us were ever here, there have never been any reptilian animatronics.”

The characters nodded dully. Golden Freddy dematerialized, and the other animatronics stalked off into the darkness. Except one.

The Puppet, which had happened to turn the other way, looked down at the agents, but it didn’t move an inch. Everyone, however, could tell that if the Puppet could smile, it would’ve been doing so. It nodded at them, and began its music-box performance of “Pop Goes the Weasel” again. When the song ended, the Puppet produced five plushies; one for each of the main animatronics. One for each agent.

Valon, for his part, accepted the Golden Freddy plushie happily. “Yay! We don’t have these where I come from, so super huggable Golden Freddy get!”

Falchion took the Chica plushie, Ripper the Foxy one, Kala the Bonnie one, and Rashida the Freddy one.

“I suppose this is your way of saying ‘thank you’, right?” Falchion asked, cuddling his tiny stuffed bird.

“Whatever the case, I suppose we should thank you as well,” said Ripper, bowing his rubber-covered head towards the Puppet. “You saved all of our lives today.”

The Puppet returned the bow graciously, before Valon held up his neuralyzer and flashed it. Once Valon stated its role, it nodded once more, and vanished into the gloom.

“Now all we need to do is take care of the animatronic Godzilla and Junior, and get the mini-Godzilla to HQ,” said Falchion. “That’ll take a while, but I think we should be able to manage now that they aren’t going to kill us.”

Valon grinned. “We could always send them to another Freddy Fazbear restaurant. We could tell Geradson that they would work better at another location; noncanonical he may be, but he really does fit the mold of what Fazbear Entertainment’s management is like.”

“Works for me,” said Falchion.

“But what about the mini? Should we put it in the courtyard until it can be shrunken down to a pet-sized creature?” asked Rashida.

Valon raised his hand. “Me! Me! Pick me!”

Kala sighed. “Of course you would…”

“Sure, you can keep him,” said Falchion. “But again, you’ve gotta get a shrink ray if you want him to fit in the RC!”

“I can live with that,” replied Valon.

 

* * *

 

 

It took only twenty minutes to get the job done. Once the noncanonical animatronics were out of the way, and once the mini-kaiju had been brought back to HQ, the agents – now in their adult, human forms – regrouped just as the pizzeria opened. They stayed out of the way of all of the children this time, for Valon’s sake.

“Well,” said Kala, “I guess this is goodbye. Sort of.”

“We should get you guys to help us out next time we get a replacement,” said Ripper, running his fingers through his red hair. “You seem to have a lot of creative methods of dealing with them.”

Kala grinned. “Well, there was the time when we fed a super-powerful replacement to a slime. That was fun.”

Valon shuddered. “And incredibly lucky. If Suu hadn’t been around, Not!Alex would be picking his teeth with our memories.”

“I apologize if my nature offended you back when we first met, by the way,” Ripper said to Kala. “I did not expect to be given a second chance to live, let alone to develop as a character in my own right. I hope you understand from now on.”

Kala shrugged. “I was going on rumors. Can’t blame them for being wrong.”

“Let’s just leave already,” Rashida cut in, though even she was smiling. “We may have another mission by the time we get back, for all I know…”

“What, we can’t have a little pizza party to celebrate?” asked Falchion.

Rashida gave him a slightly Not Amused look, but then she smiled a little and sighed in defeat. “Fine. If you’re  _ that _ hungry…”

Valon smiled, and this time it was genuine cheer. “That sounds lovely. Pizza is always good.” Kala nodded in agreement.

“Does it have meat in it?” asked Ripper.

“Well,” Kala replied with a grin, “it has meat on  _ top _ of it, if it helps any.”

The  _ Deinonychus  _ agent grinned at his new friend, making a mental note to continue looking into  _ Five Nights at Freddy’s  _ in the near future. “Fair enough. I’ll give it a try.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> [1] As of _Five Nights At Freddy's 4_ , this may no longer be the case. While the fourth game does seem to depict the events of the Bite of '87, there are some who speculate that it could instead have been referring to a different event entirely, since FNAF4 does not date the events occurring in the game to any specific year. In any case, Foxy was still not responsible for the incident shown in FNAF4, whether or not it really is the Bite of '87.
> 
> Voyd’s Notes: FINALLY! IT’S DONE! GLORIOUS FREEDOM, WE’RE DONE!
> 
> Yeah, Real Life has been beating Skarmory and me into a pulp. Besides that, when I started writing this mission, I had no idea that it was going to be this bloody LONG. I realized when we had basically just gotten into it “Oh geez, this is longer than Gabby and Chakkik’s second mission by a long shot.” Still, writing this and working with SkarmorySilver was a blast, and I do like writing scenes with canonical powerhouses like the Puppet.
> 
> As for the length, well, I suppose I only have myself to blame for working with Skarmory, he of the marathon missions.
> 
> Most of what I thought of this fic, Valon said for me: They blatantly ignored the canon, and also did very little with the concept they were supposed to be working with. Godzilla hardly got any screentime, and the main characters of this fic really seem to be Foxy and Junior. Mainly, I couldn’t get over the fact that Freddy was evil.
> 
> Anyway, this is Voyd, thank you so much for your time and patience. I’m out. Peace!
> 
> SkarmorySilver’s Notes: …Yeah, what he said. You wouldn’t believe how many precious hours I tried to squeeze in between school work and job searching just to get this thing done. I’m surprised we were able to even finish it in the first place, let alone in just two weeks, but whenever I write stuff like this, I just can’t stop myself. I definitely had a lot of fun with both this mission and talking to Voyd. And yeah, I know the rest of his missions are a lot shorter than this, so if you want to blame anyone, blame me. I regret nothing.
> 
> As noted, most of the errors we found in this fic were primarily on the part of the FNaF canon and not Godzilla. For all I know, aside from talking like the other animatronics did in the fic, the Godzilla ones didn’t commit any serious faults as far as the Toho kaijuverse canon is concerned. Though the fact that they acted more like the Showa-era versions while being referred to in relation to the Heisei series irked me just a little.
> 
> By the way, Ripper and I both have a new fandom now thanks to this mission. Not only did I learn a lot about the lore of the FNaF games thanks to Valon’s exposition, but I’ve actually started watching Markiplier’s Let’s Plays of them, too. Voyd, this is all your fault! XD


End file.
